Back in Business

So I've had a design dry spell lately. Adjusting to life on a laptop and sans mouse, I had trouble finding the same spark I did on InDesign before. And then this happened:

Introducing Bottoms Up, formerly the Intern Diaries and my Disney-esque sitcom about two BFFs working in NYC. I really like the design for this. I also find it really sad how I insist on creating templates for every script or story I write. Whatever the case, this design shares some elements with F.Y.I. (namely the fonts and the black--I need to get over that!), but more or less will probably be recycled for something with more meaning someday.

Nonetheless, I forgot how much time you can spend designing a spread--especially before you have a template. I also forgot how much I loved it. :)

I've written half of the Bottoms Up pilot and the script is okay. I gave up on sitcom format and returned to my old stage format that I used for HSY. As of the late, I've been dabbling with both HSY and Bottoms Up. I don't know if I'll have HSY 3 done by the end of the summer, but I'll certainly try. It remains hard to get into but I really do like what I have so far.

Well, that's all. I should consider bed, seeing I have to get up at 8:30 tomorrow. Oh, golly gee whiz! How exciting!

OH P.S. I AM FINISHING THE COLLEGE GUIDE THING. That is a PROMISE, and thus requires all caps. Hold me to it, VW/Miliana/Alex/Lenore/Sara/Whoever else reads this!

Realism v. Idealism

Skimming some reviews for (500) Days of Summer tonight and among them, found this quote:

Dreams are what we pursue until reality sets in.

For some reason, perhaps because of contact irritation, which has been plaguing my eyes all day, this disturbed me. As a somewhat realistic teen, I have been struggling with this issue for a while. Reality bites. Things never go quite the way you plan. Sometimes they're better. Sometimes they're worse. Is it worth believing in something and getting your hopes up and heart floating when you know more than likely it's going to be shot down?

While I originally thought of this in terms of career aspirations and colleges (because, as everyone knows, that's all I think about), eventually my thoughts came to love.

In fiction, you want it to work out. Characters are literally written for each other (foils for the win, obviously). They need to be together. Twilight isn't Twilight if Edward and Bella don't share that passionate kiss. It just isn't a love story, more or less, when the two main characters don't get married, don't end up with each other. It's a love tragedy. Love at first sight, marrying your first love (Nate Archibald and Blair Waldorf, for example)--they're supposed to happen in fiction. We want it to happen. It's a perfect universe. And in a perfect universe, shouldn't it?

But now to reality: I've learned not to expect anything. I don't believe in love at first sight. The idea of marrying a first love repulses me. There are so many people out there. How can you settle for one without a sample of the rest of the world? I don't know what love is anymore. I don't want to fall in it. I don't believe--absolutely cannot conceive--how two people can convienantally have the same intensity of feelings for the other at the same time. It's really quite remarkable. And marriage....a joke for half the country. This media and adult generation, has shaken my ideas of a happy ending. I want to believe in a love that really changes you--that captures you and captivates you--that just holds onto your heart and hands and takes you completely. I want to, but I can't.

In reality, you can't fall anymore because the consequences are too great. It just isn't practical. No one (myself included) wants to lose control.

I have very low expectations for a relationship in real life. I have very high ones for any fictional affair. When it comes to giving advice though on what a girl/guy should do about their guy/girl problems respectively, it's very hard for me to say get attached. I know when you don't get attached, you won't get much back and you sacrifice that deep relationship that oozes in romantic comedies.

I once believed in true love when I was a kid. I once believed your soulmate was out there, doing homework or something. I once imagined our thoughts might converge on the same topic every so often--that maybe, for just a split second, he was thinking of you, his future wife/girlfriend/whatever and how powerful the love you'll share will be. He's longing for you even though you're so far away and won't enter his life for years, maybe even decades when I was younger.

But it's too hard to lose faith completely. You can't stop dreaming even if you know reality stinks. Yes, it may be the rough lesson you learn someday, that nothing is truly fair and dreams don't come true even if you work hard for them and that love just doesn't last, but you have to believe in something when you're young regardless of how wrong it is. I'd rather follow my dreams than prescribe to a subpar reality even if the latter's more likely.

It's because there's this chance. There's this chance that while you're shooting for the stars, you'll still end up above the ground and in the sky. You may just make it. You may just unlock something truly deep, amazing, and just plain idealistic. And you never would have if you lost faith in people, love, dreams, and the world around you.

And maybe it's stupid. Maybe it's not the practical thing to do, but to me, the opportunity cost--your spirit--is far greater if you don't. I'll never stop believing in a concept. I refuse to give up my unrealistic dreams. And yes, I refuse to stop believing there's still a small part of me (deep, deep down somewhere) that believes in love. It's too hard not to.